Dearest World,
Whenever I am asked, "If you could do any job in the in the world, what would it be?" My answer is a novelist. Up until recently I shied away from stating my heart's desire for fear of laughter or condemnation. I was too afraid I would have to produce some of my writing to be judged and I wasn't ready. But lately, something within me has started to resent my cowardice and so I am able to communicate my hopes and dreams regarding the literary world. (I can actually say the words, "I want to write" to people's faces now - GASP!) Though I am able to tell people the truth now, I still have a hard time producing my work. I'm still not 100% ready. I lack confidence in my skills and I'm very critical (and insanely over-protective) about all of my work this far.
In a recent assignment for school we were asked to define ourselves as a writer, and I realized I had no idea what kind of writer I wanted to be... This left me, hmmm... how do I put it? PANICKED! How have I dreamt about this for years and yet have no idea exactly how I wanted to try and accomplish this goal? Ridiculous!
As I began to think about how I could offer something of value to the book community I could only think of one thing: being honest about my experiences. Most creative people - like writers (including me!) - seek a place to help resolve their own emotions and this makes your emotional experiences a crucial element in your identity. Now I just have to figure out how I want to share these experiences.
Do I want to make people laugh? Obviously.
Cry? Uhmm, not to sound horrible, but yes!
Feel afraid? I don't think I'd do well with this one, as I am a horrid fraidy cat!
Challenged? Absolutely.
I've discovered that I pretty much want to affect people on every possible emotional level. Now, this is a bit too broad for me to be successful - at least in these beginning stages. So, I have to narrow down what I am best at and how I feel I can connect with people.
I think I am a very genuine person and genuine personality can really make a difference when you are dealing with the public. I know I am unapologetically weird almost every moment of every day. I hope that my writing will reflect an authenticity that truly helps people connect to the story. So, I am going to start there....
I know having a starting point is just the beginning. It takes a lot of hard work - work on self, work on actual stories, work in getting an online presence - to make a living as a novelist. But I think I am, for the first time, truly ready to try.
With determined weirdness,
Alissa
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